The marginal increase in longevity, self confidence, and female attention that results from having six-pack abs does not, by my estimation, come close to offsetting the loss in joy from forbearance of those morsels otherwise forbidden. To reduce food– that daily blessing, that foundation of community, that distillation of a culture’s history, geography, and values– to the rank of mere VICTUALS, is to resign this life to chores.


Apparently I am allergic to this multi vitamin supplement I started taking. That’s all you need to know about the state of my physical health: that my body is actively repulsing nutrients.

Idea: tribal stream watching

With more television being binge-consumed, we lose a sense of community watching. Idea: Netflix lets you form a viewer group with your friends, and no one can watch the next episode until everyone in the group has caught up.

Things I Learned – July 2013

  • In 2005, a new dungeon opened in World of Warcraft, which featured a boss villain that cast a contagious Corrupted Blood spell on players.  The spell inadvertently spread to other cities and areas of the game (via magical hunter pets that caught the disease), before being shut down by a patch fix.  The incident has since been used by epidemiologists to model how hum an populations react to epidemics (some panicked, others started spreading the disease intentionally).  [via]  [more] [wikipedia]
  • Lye attacks, holy fuck.
  • A DivaCup is a re-usable cup worn to catch menstrual flow.  [via]
  • horological – adj. – of or related to time-keeping devices [via]

Side piece

Seeking: mistress to send all the awesome links I send to girlfriend that she doesn’t bother to read.

Title of this blog in alternate universes

Selfish Crab Boating Enthusiast
Selfish Crab Detective Agency
Selfish Crab: Expat in Hong Kong
Selfish Crab Programming Pearls
Selfish Crab Dog Fotoblog
Selfish Crab: Fixing Up My First House
Selfish Crab And Family
Selfish Crab Happiness is Forever!!!

Battlestar Galactica

There was a point in time, somewhere halfway through the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica, where I thought of death. Of how relentlessly it comes. Of how helpless it must feel, those last dirty minutes, probably connected to some machine, and surrounded by the infirm, them coughing, always coughing.

That a television show, let alone a tv show with flying spaceships, makes me feel this way is nothing short of incredible. I suppose the show’s science fiction bent makes for an alienness that forces the mind to consider the themes anew, rather than gloss over it like a story you’ve heard before. Mysticism, faith, the cycle of violence, morality of warfare, justice, terrorism, human mortality, it’s all there, interleaved with scenes of twitchy action BANG BANG KABOOM to slake your baser appetites. And it’s topped off with one of the strongest group of characters that happen to be female on any television show.

Recommended, and available on Netflix instant streaming.

Yeezus is some Clockwork Orange type music. Holy hell. I mean, he samples “Strange Fruit”, a Billie Holiday hymn about lynching.

Dan Aykroyd on SNL


In last night’s Saturday Night Live, Dan Aykroyd appeared in one of the episode’s many cameos.  Notice behind him on the shelf, are bottles of his own Crystal Head Vodka.  I’m assuming that product placement was a part of the price for agreeing to appear.

Aykroyd has a keen interest in the paranormal, as evidenced by this serious, joke-free commercial for his Crystal Head Vodka:

YouTube Preview Image


It’s rather misleading that anyone featured in a pornographic film is instantly referred to as a “porn star.” I mean, isn’t there a hierarchy of fame, like in the non-fucking show business?  There’s got to be C-level porn actors and actresses, and then you have your Daniel-Day-Lewis-level genuine porn stars out there.  Consider that next time you uncover your high school teacher’s past.   Ask yourself, are they really a porn star?  Or did they just make 700 bucks, that one time, on a Thursday afternoon, betwixt sound life decisions?

Things I Learned 2013-02

  • Under Icelandic law, a baby may only be given a name from an official list of 3,000+ approved baby names (which fit icelandic grammar and pronunciation rules).  [src]
  • epiphenomenonn. a secondary phenomenon accompanying another and caused by it; specifically : a secondary mental phenomenon that is caused by and accompanies a physical phenomenon but has no causal influence itself.  [via]
  • More than one swan is referred to collective as “a lamentation of swans” [src]
  • “Venery” has two very different meanings  (definition #1 –  n. the art, act, or practice of hunting;  definition #2 – n.  the pursuit of or indulgence in sexual pleasure) or exactly the same meanings, I guess. [via]
  • The most common hypothesis for the cause of motion sickness is that it functions as a defense mechanism against neurotoxins.  Motion felt but not seen is being interpreted as a hallucination (e.g., caused by some toxic berries), therefore let’s vomit. [src]
  • Mississippi ratified the 13th Amendment to the United States Constitution thereby abolishing slavery in… 1995.  [via]



The Awl: Why Times Square Needs a McWorld - a suggestion for a flagship McDonald’s in Times Square that serves food from all the different McDonald’s menus from around the world.  Fast food localizations is one of my favorite parts of travel.   Man, to be able to get a McVeggie…

The Verge: “I used Google Glass: the future, but with monthly updates”

But I walked away convinced that this wasn’t just one of Google’s weird flights of fancy. The more I used Glass the more it made sense to me; the more I wanted it. If the team had told me I could sign up to have my current glasses augmented with Glass technology, I would have put pen to paper (and money in their hands) right then and there. And it’s that kind of stuff that will make the difference between this being a niche device for geeks and a product that everyone wants to experience.

After a few hours with Glass, I’ve decided that the question is no longer ‘if,’ but ‘when?’

I’ll believe it when I see it.  Google has a horrendous track record with selling hardware, or selling anything, actually, to consumers.  See, Google TV which nearly wrecked Logitech and spawned this amazing TV remote; or Google Nexus Q, the streaming music device, which got press for being manufactured in the USA, but was shitcanned before a single unit shipped.

Nevertheless, this kind of technology in widespread use would be transformative.  And I cannot think of a better company to be leading the push. A company whose business model is selling advertisers access to your personal behavioral profile now wants to be integrated into your eyeball, complete put a personal video camera.   WHERE DO I SIGN UP

Rob Walker: Let’s Make A Mark:

… we need a new punctuation mark that resides in the emotional range between the just-the-facts period and the whoop-to-do excitability of the exclamation point. While the new mark would clearly signal positivity, it would save us from communicating with the unhinged emotionality of a note slipped between junior-high students.

The proposed icon looks like a stick figure playing with a mirror.  At least they didn’t give it a name like the “interrobang“.  Also, doesn’t the emoticon smiley face emoticon serve this exact purpose?  e.g., Thanks =)  Congrats =)  See you soon =)  

That age where complaining about having too much hair approaches complaining about having too much money.

Things I Learned 2012-12

  • Shakespeare’s Sonnet 151 is considered one of the dirtier sonnets. (wiki)
  • Asians have the longest torsos relative to their body size. [WE WILL TAKE IT. -Ed.] (via)
  • The maximum prison sentence you can get in Norway is 21 years, war crimes and genocide notwithstanding. (via) Although, after which you can be preventively detained for 5 years at a time, so the man that massacred an island full of teens is probably never going to be freed. (via)
  • ineluctable – adj. Unable to be resisted or avoided; inescapable (via)
  • TIP: You can remotely roll down your car windows by double tapping and holding the unlock button on the key-fob remote (on certain car models).  (via)
  • cornpone – adj. Informal - Folksy and homespun, as in manner or speech: a penchant for cornpone humor; cornpone political prose. (via)
  • “playa foot” – colloquially refers to a chemical burn on soles of feet due to exposure to alkali dust.  As found in Black Rock dessert (i.e., La Playa) where Burning Man is held. (via)  (See, also, a hula hoop  with video camera attached left on ground + Burning Man’s earnest sense of experimentation = male lizard brain food)
  • apiary – n. collection of beehives (via)
  • There once was a breed of dog called a turnspit, that was trained to work in the kitchen (okay, just to rotate a spittle over the fire, but still.) (via)
  • PATENT OF THE MONTH: Patent No. 6,469 –  Manner of Buoying Vessels over Shoals - by Abraham Lincoln, yes that Abraham Lincoln (via)lincoln patent


I only listen to music for the inconsolable heart.

Finding Nemo holds up; Toy Story 3 does not.