Good Babies

I think the idea of a “good baby” is all wrong. At work, I’ve seen other people complement a parent on their quiet, behaved little child sitting in the shopping cart. I do not think babies should be quiet or behaved. Babies have all the right to be pissy, angry, annoyed, and disoriented. They are suddenly evicted from the womb and shot out into this weird sensory world. The correct way to respond would be to not take this forced flight lightly, but rather at full volume. Babies should be outraged! They should not sit in their shopping carts with variuos digits in their mouths. All babies should be screaming out, “HEY!! What the fuck is going on here? A little while ago, I was enveloped in a warm, liquidy place, getting nutrients through a fleshy tube in my belly…. and now things are all fucked up. WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH.”

Leave a Reply