While taking a dump today, I began to wonder whether or not pooping was anything like giving birth. While I’m sure the muscle contractions are similiarly eerie (or eerily similiar), I don’t think the smells are the same; and it’s likely that passing flacid little turds is nothing like moving a watermellon of a child through your innards. One process ejects something because it is unwanted, the other, because it is precisely and eagerly wanted.

Then I was struck by a flashback of a thought I had some years ago. When I was a kid, I used to be puzzled by the question of whether or not a pregnant woman, while taking a hardy crap, would ever accidentally give birth to her child. After some thought, I realized that, though it would be a messy and unpleasant welcome for the child, the woman would be so lucky that birth could come so easily.

Yup, that was one long dump I had.

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