Selfish Crab

The NY Times has a great Family Movie Guide for parents trying to calculate what movies are appropriate for their children. MPAA movie ratings are vague and often worthless to a discerning parent. This Family Movie Guide has over 100 profiles (and corresponding reviews) of movies that chilren may be interested in seeing (i.e. you won’t find “Requiem for a Dream”). Here’s a good example of the level of detail, found in this entry for Daredevil:

PARENTAL NOTES

VIOLENCE: Much kung-fu with the usual damage inflicted, but the action is so continual and exaggerated it has no root in reality.

SEX: Murdock and Elektra go to bed together, but we don’t go with them.

PROFANITY: A fair amount of cussing and some mild raunchiness.

FOR WHICH CHILDREN?

UNDER AGE 8: The death of Murdock’s father will be disturbing, as will other violence, especially one killing that takes place as if in a comic book.

AGES 8-10: Parents’ decision, but most children won’t be bothered. That doesn’t make it appropriate.

AGES 11-13: Daredevil, his opponent Bullseye (Mr. Farrell) and all the action are appealing, and there’s no hugely compelling reason to bar the door.

So naturally, I searched the Guide for the most explicitly violent, sex-drenching, sailor-swearing film to see what they had to say. No dice. But you should check out these noteworthy entries:

• American Pie (”Since this is a film about sex, there is a representative sampling, including standard intercourse, masturbation and oral sex.”)
• Austin Powers (”…And Austin prances nude, though not frontally so. It’s silly stuff, but where children are concerned it adds up to considerable sexual content.”)
• South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (”Obviously the film has immense appeal for viewers under 17. Given theater owners’ announced intentions to check ages at R-rated films, the situation should be interesting.”)
• Freddy Got Fingered, the Tom Green vehicle, (”SEX: Lots, and much of it involving animals.”)

# 2004 Jan 31    {rompin' years}    #

Here’s an interesting story (source) about a strange little division within Microsoft, those fellows in charge of writing Microsoft software for the Macintosh platform: the Macintosh Business Unit.The article makes a point of how strange it is to have Microsoft employees involved with Macs, like Coca-cola workers who quaff Sierra Mist. While it seems that Microsoft and Apple should be eternal enemies. the two companies are more capable of getting along than conventional thought may say. Think of it: Microsoft rules more than 95% share of the end-user market, leaving Apple in a niche on the side of the road. To Microsoft, this is a feud settled long ago.

The two do not stand on opposing sides of the battlefield, but, rather, are fighting in completely separate wars. Apple is attempting to innovate itself away from the edge of oblivion. Microsoft is facing steep competition on the enterprise field (e.g. server software, business solutions, productivity tools.) Microsoft probably welcomes Apple as benign competition that helps keep their end-user OS efforts honest.

Aside: whoa, this news source keeps a blog to supplement their coverage of Microsoft (it’s a Seattle paper.) Here is the follow-up to the Mac BU story. Very interesting. Definitely adds an additional level of freshness to the journalism, where they can respond to user comments, or additional info. Fun stuff.

# 2004 Jan 30    {nerd, opine, rompin' years}    #

This one’s a real treasure:
100 Things To Do with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend… Instead of It [via kottke]. It being sex. My favorites: [ update: it seems to be down. here's the google cache ]

17. Take your grandparents out for dinner at a fast food restaurant.

25. Make paper airplanes.

37. Go to a G-rated movie.

61. Read 1 Corinthians 13.

74. Arm wrestle.

And, of course, the eternal alternative to sexual intercourse:

100. Wash your parent’s cars.

# 2004 Jan 27    {Links, rompin' years}    #

Photos of a 1980 New York City. Look at the state of the subway. This is why my parents still get the heeby-jeebies about New York City. It wasn’t always a Times Square Disney Land.

# 2004 Jan 25    {Links, rompin' years}    #

From “The Anti-Diva“, NY Times mag’s second profile of Norah Jones (they did a brief one before “Come Away With Me” was released):

When the meal break came in the studio, Jones pored over the multi-page-Indian-takeout menu and blurted: ”Lamb. Can we please have lamb?” And when I suggested that we meet to talk outside the studio, Jones offered to make me dinner. The menu choices were catfish and spaghetti with homemade sauce. ”How hot can you take it?” she asked.

The Brown is strong in this one.

# 2004 Jan 25    {rompin' years}    #

While in California, I was able to meet a good number of my girl’s high school friends. I want to take a moment here and let people know that Southern Californians are location snobs. To them, the words “Oh, I’m from New Jersey” is an invitation to say something obvious (like how “winter is cold there”) or to liken my state of origin to an armpit.

I’m sorry we all cannot live in a fantasy world where the temperature is 76 degrees year round and sunshine skips about like a frollicking school girl. In the real world, it has to rain or snow sometimes. In the real world, it has to get chilly sometimes. The most cherished moments arrive when both occur.

In the interest of diplomacy, I should note that many people were very gracious and polite. To these people, I extend an invitation for an East Coast tour, replete with lush landscapes, quintessential culture, and one sexy shoreline.

Armpit, my ass.

# 2004 Jan 22    {rompin' years}    #

Right after Christmas, I flew to California to visit Girl. I stayed with her family, so meeting her parents was, well, difficult to avoid.

On such occasions, one often imagines disaster. The movie Meet The Parents comes to mind. But this stage was not set for a re-enactment. Sure, they had a cozy house set in the hills, with a septic tank, a faulty toilet, and a small cat-sized dog. But I steered clear of said toilet and of discussion of lactation. And her family was very cool.

In those first minutes, I was more nerve-wracked talking with her parents than I ever was while with her. There were times I would slip away, beat myself on the head, and be thinking: “…keep it calm keep it calm don’t be dumb don’t be dumb just breathe just breathe… stay focused [selfish crab], you can do this… just bring it on home…”

Anyway, the moral of this story is be polite, don’t get caught making out, and bring gifts.

# 2004 Jan 15    {rompin' years}    #

Spent the morning looking back on last year. I saw Two Towers roughly one year ago . I also noticed the writing around here has deteriorated. Compare this gem from a year ago to the shit that passes for writing these days. My theory: in the past year, I have been funneling much of my creative energy and wit into charming a certain little lady. But don’t tell her that. The woo’ing continues.

# 2004 Jan 8    {rompin' years}    #

As a senior, it’s tempting to treat everything as a victory lap. “Oh, this is the last Midnight Breakfast I can ever go to as an undergraduate.” “Oh, this is my last Orgo Night ever.” Well, this is my last extended student vacation break. This is my last taste of sitting around, watching tv and being listless. I suppose if I fail to find employment in the next five months, life will be a lot like this, except with uncontrollable pangs of shame and depression.

Yeah, I suppose I am an idle, idle child right now. I miss certain people already. Man, graduation is going to be sad. I don’t like listening to he “It all goes down hill from here” talk, but I’m starting to believe.

# 2004 Jan 8    {rompin' years}    #

My new year’s resolution is 1024 x 768. Actually, it will probably remain as 800 x 600. I do intend to redesign this site, and move it off Columbia servers, because, well, I’m graduating soon. sniffle.

I didn’t spend too much time for looking back and all that jazz. Let’s just say I had a good year. And I grew up some more.

The new resolutions are:

1. Find a job.
2. Graduate.
3. Vote for a new president.

# 2004 Jan 1    {rompin' years}    #