Selfish Crab

Scene: Office. Lunchtime approaching.

Employee 1: Let’s order lunch.

Employee 2: Sure— oh wait, nearly forgot. I brought lunch today. Sorry.

Employee 1: What?? You abandoned us. Bastard. [Employee 3], what do you want to order?

Employee 3: Hmm… Saigon Grill?

Employee 2: Huh? What’s the big deal? I had leftovers from last night. [Employee 3] brings in lunch all the time.

Employee 3: Yeah, that’s true. I do bring lunch from home all the time.

Employee 1: That’s different. She just had a baby. She’s nursing a life. She has to watch her diet. What’s your excuse?

Employee 2: [pause] Aren’t we all nursing a life in some way?

# 2005 Jun 26    {Life, work}    #

It is a truism somewhere that when people respond and say “Oh, that’s interesting.” they mean to say it is not. It dawned on me recently that, equally, when in response a story of mine a friend says “That’s funny”, they mean “Oh, that is a funny-sounding story. I acknowledge that your inflection and delivery implies your tale carries intended humor. I offer a meager bravo in the place of that rare reward, laughter.”

# 2005 Jun 19    {Life}    1

Scene: Two middle-aged white women. A bus heading midtown

Woman 1: … and the computer just does not work at all. I can’t get anything to open.

Woman 2: You know, you really need to find a computer geek.

Woman 1: I know, I know.

Woman 2: Let me tell you how I find mine. …. and I told him I can’t do my taxes because the computer doesn’t work …. he sat down and he went click click and it was working. I’m telling you, you have to know where to click click. If you don’t, you won’t get anywhere. They just sit down and know how to get it working.

# 2005 Jun 16    {Life, nerd}    #

This past weekend, we moved into our new apartment. Let me inform you, kind reader, that moving in Manhattan is a bitch. It took three men 5 trips over 2 days over a total of 16 hours to move a 27″ TV, one TV stand, two dressers, two desks, three mattresses, one futon, two bookshelves, and four duffel bags of clothes down a three story walkup and up a fourth-floor elevator building. It was a tale of courage, resolve, and the strength of brotherhood. The story was been optioned as movie and is slated to be released Summer 2007.

I now live midtown, near Times Square. I like to think of it as Halfway To Everywhere™ Smack dab in the middle of Manhattan, access to nearly every subway line, Port Authority, NJ Transit, Amtrak. E line straight to JFK airport. I just need a destination.

# 2005 Jun 10    {Life}    #

Did you know the creator of FORTRAN, the first high-level programming language, was a Columbia alum? John Backus graduated from Columbia School of General Studies in 1949 with a BS in mathematics. Among his achievements lies the concept of function-level programming and being the “B” in BNF. Won the Turing Award in 1977. Additional information via AcIS’ IT historian, Frank da Cruz.

I discovered this fun fact while reading my thoughtful birthday gift from Bay the other day.

# 2005 Jun 9    {Columbia}    #

Tonight, as I prepared for bed, I realized I had spent the entire day in my apartment, without going outside or leaving once. A case study in self-reliance, surely.

Rest assured, readers, this author did not loaf. I handled and filed 3-4 months of paperwork, sorted out old LSAT-prep books (Josh, I vow to return these to you.) Having to consider “paperwork” as a real activity is definitely sign of adulthood and independence. I also watched two whole movies. Yes, I think I ought to slow down. My body will not last long in the rockstar “computer programmer” lifestyle I have.

# 2005 Jun 6    {Life}    #