edge theory

One of several gems squeezed out of march’s Montreal road trip:

Female Friend #1: Sammy’s so nice. Why can’t you two be nice like him?
Adham: Huh?
Crab: Did you just include me in the same lot with Adham??? He’s a bonafide dick.
Female Friend #2: Well, you used to be nicer, but you’ve changed.
Crab: Awesome.

Indeed, I let a little cruelty creep in. I enjoy provocative statements. Racy jokes rulez; “just kidding”‘s are copouts; and rash yet assertive decision-making is the only kind of decision-making.

And this is great news! Every guy needs an edge, an element of danger, a little tinge of corroded personality. Edgy behavior is interesting; it’s thrilling; it’s unpredictable. If you are a plum-diddly nice guy, well, gosh, you’re out of luck. In the eyes of fertile women, you are a fucking eunuch. And nobody dates (or fucks, for that matter) eunuchs. They will only befriend you because you’re safe. You’re a safe little oval; and nothing gets caught on an oval. You need an edge.

This is not “nice guys finish last”-rehashed. It is okay if you are a nice guy. My assertion is that you just need to add a supplement of risk, danger.

Consider that to be the Selfish Crab’s Game Tip #1: if you are a nice guy, develop an edge. I consider this so revolutionary, I went ahead and created a new page for it on the side there. If you have your own tips you would like me to plagiarize, comment below.


  • Irina Says:

    i like the game tips idea is nice. you should link each game tip to the blog post that inspired it. it’ll make sense when you have a list of more than one.

    also, i hear that knowing how to program in Perl makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. ’cause women like that, you know.

  • messkimo Says:

    IMHO befriending lots of ravingly insane chicks helps with one’s game. it keeps the ante up. the sword sharp. and so forth.

  • Selfish Crab Says:

    Irina, girls only like Perl because they think they’re getting jewelry. Same goes for ruby on rails. And then there’s that old dirty joke about girls that enjoy Python…

    messkimo, so befriending insane chicks prepares you for every situation or something? like Rocky training in Siberia in Rocky IV? If you can pull a moose cart through 4 foot snows, you can survive tearful breakdowns at cocktail hour?

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