Somewhere between an embodiment of arrogance preening down the boulevard and a flaccid vessel of no-confidence shriveling against the wall is an actual, tolerable personality and, by golly, we’ll find it one of these days.
Over the course of the weekend, a motif emerged.
Friend #0: Good luck with that, because, I mean, you’re kinda weird.
selfish crab: whaa?
Friend #0: Well, I mean, to people that don’t know you. You can come across kinda weird. But once they get to know you, it’s okay. The weirdness becomes charming.
Friend #1: Crab, Friend #2 and I were talking about you, and during our Texas trip, we have decided that you are weird.
selfish crab: what the fuck does that mean?
Friend #2: I mean, we were used to hanging out with you for a couple of hours out in a restaurant or bar, and then we’d go separate ways. But on the trip, it was 24/7 and we have just noticed that you were one weird guy.
selfish crab: …. [editor's note: are my responses really necessary? they're never good]
Friends #1: [an enumeration of incidents of weirdness]
Truth be told, I suppose I am odd. I’m crying out for attention? affection? attrition?
I would like to take the time to reiterate that everything in this space is bullshit. I exaggerate on a regular basis in an effort to confuse, confound, and protect my identity from you thieves, you gossip hounds, you prying eyes. I lie about how I feel, about where I work, about where I live, about how old my sisters are. It is all false. Nothing can be trusted.
Here’s one way to improve your poker face:
Update: Or if you prefer, you can try the alternative yet equally-effective, home-edition version and attempt to remain stone-faced while someone kicks you in the balls.
Montessori teacher charged with having sex with teenagers: “[She] was born and raised in New York and educated in the city’s schools, including Columbia University.” She’s indeed CC late-80′s.
Fluffy NY Times piece about a grand piano at Bard Hall (P & S) with ties to Rachmaninoff.
This one’s for my brown friends: Trailer for The Namesake. The biggest frigging role ever in Kal Penn’s (aka Kumar’s) career.
