Selfish Crab

Stir the wench pits, light the banquet torches, and bring forth the mead and mutton! Your conqueror king has returned. I have traveled to distant lands only to find that all the rocks are named the equivalent of “Thor’s Phallic Rumor”.

I left with a brand-new 2 GB SanDisk Ultra CF card and returned with over 550 photos. Yeah. It will take some time before they premiere at a flickr photoset near you.

Throughout the trip, I struggled with the ol’ camera. Sometimes it is hard to capture distant, pretty, brightly-lit wonders of the world. But once in a while, by sheer cosmic mercy, my shutter clicked true. Please stand by while I sort through the Unread folder.  Let me know if I missed anything, minus feats of amazing strength.

sky, forward and back by selfish crab.

# 2006 Jul 31    {Life}    #

Just so no one thinks I have become boring or dead (related?), I am going on a Selfish Vacation with two other caballeros until August. Hopefully we come back with all our limbs, fully-functioning kidneys, and some great photographs. selfish out.

[edit: whoops, prematurely posted. okay, now I am really gone for good. I hope this keeps you busy while I make my escape.]

# 2006 Jul 20    {Life}    2

Okay, so you just quit your job; you feel liberated and excited. You are out with your friends, having a good time. Here are some ground rules:

1. Do call your other friends and invite them and their cute friends to meet up.
2. Do say hi to your other friends and their friends when they arrive.
3. Do chat up the girls.
4. Do not, in the course of your conversation, decide to rant about diamonds, calling them “stupid” and “worthless”.
5. Do smile when she tells you she works in the corporate office of a landmark NYC jeweler.
6. Do nod when she also mentions she is a licensed diamond evaluator.

# 2006 Jul 18    {Life}    2

I was cleaning out some work-in-progress posts and found some that were dashed off during my love affair with system administration. I present to you a sampling:

Fucked is a civilization whose technological infrastructure rest soundly on well-formed plaintext configuration files.

# 2006 Jul 18    {nerd, work}    3

A list of easily misinterpreted domain names. Favorites: penisland.net, cummingfirst.com.

# 2006 Jul 17    {Links, nerd}    1

This week, I embarked on a food farewell tour.

Monday: Milano
Tuesday: Hamilton Deli
Wednesday: Saji’s
Thursday: Koronet’s
Friday: Am Cafe

In other Morningside Heights news, apparently an American Apparel store is opening on 109th & Broadway.

# 2006 Jul 17    {Life, work}    #

We had a farewell party. It was entirely unnecessary. Why must you people say nice things to me? My only programmed response is to shift my weight and stare at my beer. It was plain awkward. Was I supposed to read aloud the goodbye card and display the gift? Thankfully, everyone could sense my unease and the party disbanded quickly.

Also, no one asked me to say anything. Maybe there was a moment when I was supposed to say something nice, but I think a fly flew in front of me, I swatted at it, and the moment passed. I thought I might get pressured into a speech, so I actually wrote out a few remarks yesterday. Here’s an excerpt (I’m leaving out the schmaltz):

I hope everyone has enjoyed my yearlong standing impression of Jason, right down to the unrepentant enthusiasm.

I’m sorry about Wildfire.

I want to thank John and Jason for all that I have learned about singing. From one I have learned pitch; from the other, courage.

To everyone else, thank you for teaching me about where babies come from. It has been illuminating, and disgusting.

At least I’m not going to California.

No, really, sorry about Wildfire.

John once told me that the decisions we make here at AITGOC should haunt us forever.Let the haunting begin.

# 2006 Jul 14    {work}    3

art close-up - 3 by selfish crab.

Inspire us, oh great leaders.

# 2006 Jul 13    {Life}    3

Deckhand’s log, July tenth, in the year of our lord, two thousand six.

Our ship picked up a new captain in the last port-town. Hope this one be as good as the last one. Why, Ol’ Captain, bless his heart, could see past the horizon from only the prow. He also knew a good jig or two.  Hopefully, this new one won’t be jumping off the ship at the first sight of an imperial frigate.

# 2006 Jul 13    {work}    3

Dear [Selfish California School],

I am writing to notify you that I would like to withdraw myself from consideration from the Fall 2006 waitlist.  I have decided to attend a school in New York city and the logistics of deciding to live in New York  require me to finalize my admission decision at this time.  I understand each year’s flood of applications can be overwhelming, yet I find myself wishing communication between your office and applicants such as myself had been better.   Frankly, being on your waitlist is downright frustrating.   Even more frankly, your delayed response in late May cost me my goddamn apartment and the thousand unnatural shocks that NYC real estate is heir to.

Nonetheless,  I sincerely thank you for your time and consideration over the past 6 months.

Regards,

Selfish Crab

# 2006 Jul 10    {Life}    #

ghost in the sky by selfish crab.

Or, “What’s a little Post-Processing between Friends?”

# 2006 Jul 6    {Life}    #

pigeons in love by selfish crab

# 2006 Jul 6    {Life}    #

Selfish Crab: Who would like to go steady with me?

California Girls: Hmm… can I think about? Why don’t you wait around for 8 months?

NYC Girl #1: I like you! You’re great! Let’s date! I promise to pay for half of all dates.

Other girls: You suck.

Selfish Crab: Okay, NYC Girl #1, let’s date. Here is a $900 commitment ring.

NYC Girl #1: YAY! I’m keeping this no matter what!

Sometime later…

NYC Girl #2: yawn… are you still free? I have some time for you.

Selfish Crab: Wow, NYC Girl #2! What an opportunity! Ok! Here is a $800 commitment ring. I’m sorry, Girl #1, I’m dumping you.

NYC Girl #1: For her??? I always lose boyfriends to her. But.. but… how about if I pay for all our dates? Everything!

Selfish Crab: Wow, that’s very generous of you. You pay lots of attention to me.

NYC Girl #2: Give me a break. Date me. Don’t you know I have a great reputation? I’m an easy lay. I’ve had many partners.

To be continued…

# 2006 Jul 4    {Life}    2

Today I separated my office keys from my main key ring.  I think it was symbolic of a nascent sense of detachment.  Then again, I think everything is symbolic.  I think the dead mice we find in the office are symbolic.

# 2006 Jul 4    {work}    #

I noticed I’ve regurgitated many of the life decisions I made months ago, and now I’m forced to swallow them again.

# 2006 Jul 3    {Life}    #

To my East Village friends:  a profile of the Snack Dragon Taco Shack. Why they got shut down and how they’re coming back.

# 2006 Jul 1    {Links}    #