Selfish Crab

Well, screw my Contracts reading, tonight I went to one of the most fun hip-hop concerts I have ever been to.  American Express threw a free Kanye West concert for Amex card holders at the Nokia Theatre.  Small’ish venue.

Can’t quite write straight because the sheer afterglow of exuberance is blocking my writing.  Here’s some stream of consciousness until I get my shit together (and some photos up):

waited three hours before set started, DJ AM keeps us entertained, kanye, energy, piano wheeled out, John Legend plays it,  another song starts, Common leaps in, Common = magnificence, lots of chi-town love, more hits, a medley of early kwest beats, Pharrell the cocky condescending motherfucker enters,  yawn, “hits”, kanye salvages the ending, Spaceship (“before my manager insults me again, i’ll be assaulting him…”)

selfish crab out

# 2006 Aug 30    {Life}    1

Upon reflection of a half-week’s new encounters
And a weekend of exuberence,
I gladly don an armor of hubris
or wear a pretty coat of timidity.
Both, such an audit would declare, to cover
the terrible underpants of insecurity.

# 2006 Aug 27    {Life}    #

One element of the first day I omitted (an issue dear to your heart, reader, I am sure) was the cumpulsory, swift scan for cute girls. Sadly, this scan came back negative.

I walked in this morning, willing to give it another go (aka gently lower the bar). It turned out such an adjustment was unnecessary. Apparently, none of the cool kids went to the boat cruise. Boat cruises, it seems, are for losers.

Clearly, this memo did not reach me in time, which I suppose would explain that discussion as we were rounding the Statue of Liberty about how the scenes on the forest moons of Endor were filmed in Costa Rica, a discussion soon followed by the analysis of the frequency of the name “Severus” in the world versus at Hogwarts.

It’s okay; there is balance in the universe, in the form of exploiting the massive performance-related insecurities of your classmates:

Classmate: How was the cruise?
Me: You didn’t go?
Classmate: Naw.
Me: Oh. It was cool. Especially that secret surprise at the end.
Conspirator: Oh yeah, that surprise. That was great.
Classmate: Oh be quiet. You’re just teasing.
[pause]
Classmate: ….. you’re just teasing, right?
Me: Don’t worry. They said it would only be useful during final exams.

# 2006 Aug 25    {law school}    2

Also, I have decided it’s time I grow out of being a fuzzy boy and embrace the selfishness.  I can now be reached at “theselfishcrab”.

Maybe a eulogy for the old screen name?  I got it in 1996 to chat with a girl who refused to get ICQ (I had a L33T number of around #1021908, sniffle.)  (Further aside: the girl thing did not pan out because I was an oval at the time.  Remember what happens to ovals?)

# 2006 Aug 24    {meta, nerd}    #

orientation by selfish crab.

Impressionist painting OR camera phone snapshot? You decide.

Orientation is fun because it is one of the few occasions in New York that you can start a conversation just by looking at someone.

I could tell lots of people were wondering how old I am, because the second question they usually ask if whether I came straight out of undergraduate. I should just tell them I am a 16 year old wunderkind.

Someone had the balls to say I had a “cherubic face”. What. the. fuck. To my knowledge, cherub don’t get any.  Seraphs, on the other hand, are badass motherfuckers.  And I will, oh yes I said I will, be a seraph, a-swooping down and a-avenging, oh yes brother.

# 2006 Aug 23    {law school}    3

I am noting, purely for posterity, that tomorrow morning is orientation for law school and I’m still awake at 2am, so yes I am having a terrific start. Let the record also speak of the terror deep in my heart of having to meet a multitude of strangers and try to stay in that safe zone between terribly fucking shy and arrogant asshole dickface.

Here’s to new verses (but the same old chorus).

# 2006 Aug 23    {law school}    2

I believe deep down that people who have trouble communicating their hopes and dreams and desires in life invariably wind up with lots of bad haircuts. “Just cut it”, I feel, leaves a vast chasm of comprehension between oneself and their barber.

That said, I went out and got a haircut. I was looking for a trimming and tidying of the shaggy hipness in which I had been preening around for the past month. It was indeed my surprise when I blinked and, well, lost an entire sideburn.

Me: Um… wtf.
Barber: You wanted that?
Me: Sorta.
Barber: Oh. Now I know for next time.

That was the highlight. In short, in less than 15 minutes, I went from cool guy to whom you would want to introduce yourself during orientation to a douchey-baggy-kinda-looking-guy. Oh well. At least I had the forethought to take my ID photo before the haircut, to be used as proof that I looked cool. Once.

I supposed there’s a lesson to be learned here. From now on, I should know what I want and how to explain it before I plop down in the barber chair. Of life.

# 2006 Aug 23    {Life}    1

Sometimes in your life, you are forced to make difficult, time-pressed decisions.

Sometimes these will turn out to be terrible ideas costing thousands of dollars and tens of square feet.

Sometimes these decisions will turn a rollicking vacation into 3 weeks of walking the squalid city heat and dealing with things you think are “people” but which are actually brokers, brokers being the kind of things who respond to your negotiating broker’s fees (“how about half a month of rent”) by asking: “are you Jewish, man, cmon”.

Sometimes these decisions spur a recurring, secondary punishment in having to explain to to everyone why you pay more money for a smaller apartment and why it is, for the fifth time, you did not just renew your current lease.

# 2006 Aug 22    {Life}    #

what else is there by selfish crab.

# 2006 Aug 17    {Life}    1

I just upgraded this thing to Wordpress 2.0.4, and it wiped out all the slogans that used to appear under the banner. Hurray. They all probably sucked anyway.

I’m going to throw this out there: suggest a new slogan/tagline. I’ll pick the top 5 and put them in rotation.

I’ll start it off:  “Selfish Crab:  and other almost puns”

# 2006 Aug 16    {meta}    #

I had a kempt Jason sighting this weekend.  It was glorious.  I don’t think I ever tire of Rasmus gossip.   It must be amazing to work at a job that’s immediately relevent and globally understood. Please, no one ask the obvious question here.

Also, I learned that when you blink buildings get built and people who lived in your building get married.

# 2006 Aug 16    {Life, work}    #

zion canyon by selfish crab.

I finally finished going through all my trip photos and they’ve all been posted.

I took over 550 exposures, which was whittled down to 212 decent shots, all posted here.

During the trip, I followed Selfish Travel Protocol and kept a travel journal. It was handy because I had many moments of inspiration and cleverness. If only there was a place where I publicly and shamelessly showcase my life and thoughts.

# 2006 Aug 14    {Life}    #

Hmm… what should I do today? Jam a soldering iron into my eye, or search for a new apartment? Decisions… decisions…

No seriously. It. fucking. sucks. I saw two apartments today. One was perfect if you want to live in a 7′ x 8′ world. The other was the dingy basement of a bodega, and the guy showed up 25 minutes late to let us into his apartment.

I hate brokers. They are overpaid and they clog Craigslist with too-good-to-be-true listings so when you call them, they can upsell you on apartments with fees. Someone ought to create a website that contains every apartment building in New York City and their owner’s contact information.   Doesn’t the New York Department of Housing have some master list?  Why isn’t this made?  You could destroy the entire broker livelihood. Repeat after me: in the age of the fucking Internet, information asymmetry is no longer a business model.

# 2006 Aug 10    {Life}    5

turtle & the tentacle by selfish crab.

I finished going through the Bryce Canyon photos. What a weird place. But very photographically fun.

# 2006 Aug 8    {Life}    #

I just had a dream that I was in the library researching the world record for longest human urination.  I woke up suddenly and scrambled to the bathroom.

# 2006 Aug 6    {Life}    #

Dearly beloved,

We are gathered here today to help transition a young man to his new life outside of AITGOC and of the lion’s den. In accordance with the principles of man, this means new stuff.

We are to witness of joining of Selfish Crab and a Citibank Dividend Amex card, as well as the contractual obligations of Selfish Crab to Verizon, and a lovely LG VX8300.

If anyone here believes these entities should not join in blissful union, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace. That is to say, horror stories are welcome before I pull these triggers.

# 2006 Aug 6    {Life, nerd}    7

Staring at pictures on the web of strangers having fun is probably not the healthiest way to spend a lazy summer afternoon.

# 2006 Aug 5    {Life}    #

I added a pretty comments icon, using something from the gorgeous and free Silk Icon set.

As a result, I have set up a colophon to adhere to the attribute part of the license, and to explain of bit of what allows the Selfish Magic to happen.

# 2006 Aug 4    {meta}    #