pick me up
What better way to feel better about oneself than to create a testimonial page?
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Archive for November, 2006
hows law school
Stressful. Been in the library til 10pm everyday so far this week, starting Sunday. Am I inefficient or something? I have barely put a dent in anything. I’m certainly good at showing up though.
All my extracurriculars are failing to cheer me up. In my 14-team fantasy league, I am still dead-last. This week, I am playing the penultimate player and so far, I am losing 10 to 2. Sigh. Game is afoot, as indicated by the pathetic, coy language, but who am I kidding? I can barely find time to eat alone. Maybe this will be a purely epistolary pursuit.
Now you know my soul, and the reason for the twenty-post-a-day pace. I’m trying to blog away the stress.
exchange: they keep pulling me back in
Scene: In hallway. Stowing items in locker.
[Selfish Cell Phone rings; unidentifiable number]
Crab: Hello?
Person: Hey, [Crab]. It’s Mike.
Crab: Mike?
Person: Mike [ ] from your section.
Crab: Oh, hey. What’s up?
Person: Where are you? I’m on the second floor.
Crab: Second floor, too. Oh I see you. What’s going on?
Person: Something’s screwy with my computer. Can you take a look at it for me?
Crab: …Um, sure.
Person: Thanks, man.
Crab: Just curious, how’d you get my number?
Person: JR. He said you were good with computers or something.
boo
An old photo. Wistful Crab reached deep into the archives.
more for posterity
Um, I’m starting to regret using the selfishcrab handle as this blog’s domain and title. I am a glaring google search away from being found.
More vague comments into the aether: if you ever give Selfish Crab identifiable details about yourself or your friends, you better believe he’s going to plug it into google and find out your educational background, old posted resumes, photo galleries, your blog, your blog posts which one day someone will chuckle at the reciprocality found in this space, oh tee hee.
I am adducing this investigative behavior to me being a “research hound”. Yet another reason for entering the world of Legal Lucre. I mean, basically, let’s be honest, the entire point of this paragraph is to figure out how the hell to use the word “adduce” and also to score points with “Lucre”. Frisks and nosegays are next.
prospects
Scene: Career services. a 1L’s first one-on-one counselor meeting.
Counselor: And you can find other information on the website.
1L: You mean on ANGEL?
Counselor: No, we’re not on ANGEL. We have a separate web system. It also has our job opening search system. It’s called—
1L: Oh, I heard of this. “Serendipity”?
Counselor: —Symplicity.
hows law school
Today, I got called on in Property, a class where first question comes at 9:01 AM (clearly, my finest hour) and where the professor is a fucking tenacious bulldog (yet a just one).
We started Life Estates (a vivacious topic), and I got some simple introductory questions. Most of which I got wrong. I like to think I was wrong in a perfectly instructive way to the rest of the class. Common pitfall? Leapt in. I let the professor lead, and I played my part, bumbling through the fallacies like an ogre through the thicket.
I even tried to make a joke, which wound up making no sense because while I was thinking of the joke, he asked a new question. I also said an estate was granted in perpetuality, which is wrong, because that’s not even a word, which was pointed out swiftly, loudly, and to everyone. Perpetuity.
Man, I miss sleeping through W3824 Computer Organization.
—-
vitiate – v. to spoil or impair the quality or efficiency of; destroy or impair the legal validity of;
exchange: dreams
From: k@work.com
To: selfish crab@school.edu
Subject: hey
Last night I dreamt that utility regulators had sent a mosquito to torment me – this morning I woke up with a bunch of mosquito bites, whether or not the regulators had a hand in it has yet to be determined…
K
———————————
From: selfish crab@school.edu
To: k@work.com
Subject: re: hey
That’s weird. Last night, I dreamt of eating an entire plate of fresh fruit. It was delicious. Ne’er did a single girl enter the picture. I think my body was trying to tell me, “okay, enough with the girls already. how about some vitamin C for a change?”
/SC
exchange: limits
[phone rings]
friend: Hey!
selfish crab: Hey. What you doing tonight?
friend: Nothing. What’s going on?
Selfish crab: My classmate’s throwing a house party. I’m supposed to go. You interested? The catch is, it’s ‘black & white cocktail party’.
friend: What the hell is that?
selfish crab: It means you have to dress nicely and wear the colors black and white.
friend: Why?
selfish crab: Cuz… that’s the point? I don’t know. Dude, do you want to go or not?
friend: Black and white what the fuck. What kind of people are you associating with?
selfish crab: [pause] so, no?
[click]
Burp. 2.0.5 up and running. Thankfully, I did not delete all my templates this time.
Update: goddamn, it ate my taglines again.
Update #2: fixed.
this just in
Game needs sharpening. I am nervous nelly, timid timmy, eunuch eugene, ineffective jeff.
I swear, 10 digits could not be hard to obtain if they were prime and the sum of cubes.
Statue at St. John the Divine vandalized; Washington beheaded (or, the Gothamist scoop with pictures).
tales from fall bash II
Scene: bar.
Girl: Hey!
Boy: Hey!
[live band packs up. hip-hop music begins.]
Girl: Do you dance?
Boy: Me? Pshaw, of course!
Girl: Let’s do it.
[general flailing and flopping about as is characteristic of Selfish Dancing.]
tales from fall bash I
I almost did not go to last night’s “Fall Bash” open-bar, but I succumbed to the egging. I swear, these events are honeypots, designed to force grad students into poor decision-making. Study hard, play worse. Anyway, it cost $25 and my 9am Property class.
A good time was had. Apparently, I’m a big hit with the foreign LLM students. I held my own against this Colombian, but forgot her name when she told me she was married. Then a Ukrainian short skirt danced with me. She was into me, I could tell. She leaned over and said, “You’re really cute.” That, or “You’re standing on my shoe.” I don’t know, it was loud, and my little ears can only perceive so much.
In general, I’ve eschewed mixing my classmates with alcohol because invariably someone stumbles over, cocks their head to the side, and squeals, “oh you’re so young looking! baby face!” True to this, last night, I got a hearty face-cheek pinch and squeeze– a manifestation of aforementioned thought if I’ve ever seen one.
Video: Robot Chicken on Calvin & Hobbes. See also Peanuts.
i am bob clarke
As of Monday, I am officially last place in my 14-team fantasy league. It hath made me sad.
Fantasy sport wishlist item: be able to sort players by their place on the depth chart.
goblins lurk
Today, I donated at the blood drive at school. I’m glad to give a pint; I live such a low-risk lifestyle at the moment. The ace bandage they use afterwards looked badass. Badass with a humanitarian edge.
I saw a chart describing the different blood types and their corresponding usefulness. It turns out my blood is as useful as horsepiss. Why do I bother?
There ought to be a way to stipulate where your blood cannot go. For example, I don’t want any of my classmates to receive my blood. That’s unfair. I say we all enter law school with our own platelets, and we all have to make our own from then on. No outside help. If you are short on plasma, well, tough tacos.
zvi
Dean Zvi Galil may leave the University to become president of Tel Aviv University. See also, the spec article and the requisite Save X website. [hat tip: kgm]