Selfish Crab

What a year. I made some decisions for once. Life, love, leases, livelihood, and lalalala.

2006 seemed to be an eventful year in Love for you Selfish Readers. Some serious now made asunder; others, betrothed!

An aside for you wedding heads: now that you have found a mate worthy of your Forevers, has not the potential for tragedy become multifold? The wrench of unexpected death; watching your Other blossom into a different person you’d thought they be; cold bedsheets; the marital turn-coat. Are you people sure about this?

Back to myself. Since I am already such an awesome person, there is very little I could resolve for the new year.  So onward!

# 2006 Dec 31    {Life}    #

People, stop using sending me links to all the fluffer articles extolling employment at Google and at their New York office.  See also Village Voice, NY Mag.   My indie streak compels me to use another search engine…

# 2006 Dec 30    {Life, nerd}    #

I noticed Banana Republic’s 2006 holiday ads feature stubbled men that would not be out of place fighting along-side Aragorn if it weren’t for the fact that they were draped in maroon cashmere. What gives? Xmas time is cherub time. Let us have our season, you ruddy-faced crows-foot-eyed magnates.

Suffice to say, the “you look so yooounnnggg” comments continue to rain down.

I decided I want a scar on my face. It would toughen up my image and provide a nice conversation starter at my swanky lawyer cocktail parties.  Yeah, perhaps a long scar crossing the eye. Or a savage cut along the cheek. Something that screams battle-worn, craggy, don’t-dare-question-my-mettle-or-age warrior type. I suppose then I need a battle axe, too.  In case of challenges to my honor. Hm, this plan is becoming more involved than I had intended. I draw the line at the tunic.  Forest-green clashes with my rugged man-eyes.

# 2006 Dec 28    {Life}    #

Video: SNL - President Gerald Ford died in 1996. And he was delicious. [via waxy]

# 2006 Dec 27    {Links}    #

Photo: National Geographic on Columbia University graduation circa 1988. It rained in the ’80s, too.

# 2006 Dec 27    {Columbia, Links}    #

Last night I dreamt I was enrolled in a 2-credit course in Family Law, had completely forgotten about it, and missed the final exam.  I woke up, sweating and shaken.  I logged online and double-checked the registrar’s website.  Just. to. make. fucking sure.

Never would I imagine that the very thought of inadvertent truancy could so terrorize my slumber.

# 2006 Dec 25    {law school}    3

Scene: at the dinner table. at Home.

Parent: Oh, I need your help with the computer later.

Crab: Sure, what’s wrong with it?

Parent: I need you to set up the new 19″ widescreen LCD monitor I just bought.

Crab: Oh… okay.

Parent: Oh, and after dinner, can you move the box in the garage into the basement?

Crab: What’s in it?

Parent: We bought a new flatscreen television for the entertainment center.

- - - -

You leave the nest and they rub their purchasing power in your face. Really.

# 2006 Dec 25    {Life}    #

Best of 2006.  Feel free to drown yourself nostalgia, in list format.

As you can imagine, the music section is mile-long.  Music needs to lose its love of the top-X/best-of/chart-topping metric.   Is it art or a popularity contest?

# 2006 Dec 23    {Links}    #

Video: Decemberists vs Stephen Colbert: Countdown to Guitarmageddon.  The cameos/guest appearances are jaw-dropping.   Also, this whole feud is an example of Colbert’s understanding of how to use the You.

# 2006 Dec 23    {Links}    #

Video: vintage footage of Kerouac, Ginsburg doing as they might do. [via gothamist]

# 2006 Dec 23    {Columbia, Links}    #

Yknow, I think it’s perfectly natural to be manic from finishing exams, and then to do decide to cut your own hair with a pair of stationary scissors.  I mean, how hard can it be?

# 2006 Dec 22    {Life}    3

Canned air: the ultimate nerd stocking stuffer. Can never have too much of it. Cleans computers and keyboards, freaks out your cat, annoys your roommates, incentivizes employees.

# 2006 Dec 22    {Life}    #

BLASTED AND EATING CHICKEN AND RICE
WHAT MORE CAN BE ASKED FOR
LIFE IS AMAZINGLY GOOD
AND I THANK EVERYONE FOR SUPPORT AND LOVE
MY HAPPINESS IS ATTRIBUTED DIRECTLY TO YOU, YES YOU.

# 2006 Dec 21    {Life, law school}    #

That Civil Procedure exam did not proceed civilly. 2 hours in, I realized I was massively confused about everything.  3 hours in, Secure Exam asphyxiated my laptop and necessitated a reboot.  5 hours in, I realize I am a terribly slow writer.  And at hour #6, I was a husk, a wight, a shade of a student.
Contracts left.  This grand pedagogical experiment shall be over as of Wednesday 5pm.   I will be amidst jubilee.  Seek me out and we shall revel.

# 2006 Dec 20    {law school}    2

Scores of readers have been sending in this story about ill-fitting cond0ms over in the subcontinent. We here at Selfish Crab refuse to participate in or endorse any baseless relevations that question the root of masculinity of any persons. In addition, we will not comment on whether that southern element of the Asian racial group has been negatively affecting the rest of that group in the stats this entire time. Thank you.

# 2006 Dec 19    {Links}    #

Video: SNL - Homelessville. Timberlake may have honed his outsized-costume dancing skills on Ellen.

See also: SNL - A Special Christmas Box - a digital short.

# 2006 Dec 18    {Links}    2

nothing’s on by selfish crab.

Ascetic shmascetic. wahooooo!

# 2006 Dec 17    {Life}    1

I am the very model of a nascent lawyer-cerebral,
I’ve jurisdiction personal, specifical, and general,
I cite the cases relevant, and laugh at judges historical,
From Brennan to Scalia, in order hysterical;

Exam-time has not nearly been the monastic existence I imagined. I suppose it should be.  What was I thinking?
On to Civil Procedure!

# 2006 Dec 16    {law school}    #