softball

The firm’s softball league is about to kick off and I have been conscripted to play. The problem is: I know shit about baseball, have never played (not even Little League), and am not sure the last time I threw a ball overhand. I reached out to K, who survived his own firm outing last year.

——————–
From: crab
To: K
Subject: oh god
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:25 PM

the firm softball league begins next week… i don’t even have a glove. do you have any tips on how to cope? i think i still throw like a girl too.

-crab

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Subject: re: oh god
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:30 PM

Hmmm…always a tricky situation. Best thing to do is be upfront about it…tell them you never played baseball….for added effect you can even run at the pitchers mound after (if) you hit the ball and say you were confused w/ cricket rules.

If you truly throw like a girl, I would feign an injury and not play at all…ever.

-K

——————–
From: crab
To: K
Subject: re: re: oh god
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:36 PM

fine. i’m going to go home and practice in the backyard. maybe my father will play catch with me…

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Subject: re: re: re: oh god
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:36 PM

Just make sure he doesn’t throw like a girl too…b/c then it will be a downward spiral…

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:37 PM

Oh yea, if you go the cricket route, make sure you hold onto the bat the whole time (its also a good idea to even hold it while running to first base just to show its still not natural for you once you get the direction down)

——————–
From: crab
To: K
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 2:41 PM

maybe i’ll throw right-handed the whole time and then at the end say, “wait a minute. i think i’ve been throwing/hitting the wrong hand the whole time”. blame it on oppressive right-handed coaches.

-crab

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Date: Tue, Jun 5, 2007 at 3:36 PM

Dude, if you throw like a girl, it won’t matter what hand you are using…just fake an injury or something, trust me.

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Date: Tue, Jun 19, 2007 at 4:34 PM

Have you determined you don’t throw like a girl? How is your hitting?

-K

——————–
From: crab
To: K
Date: Tue, Jun 19, 2007 at 4:39 PM

we’ll find out. i’m prepared to fake an injury on the field. during practice, I tried to pretend i confused it with cricket, but everyone laughed and called me a joker.

-crab

——————–
From: K
To: crab
Date: Tue, Jun 19, 2007 at 4:40 PM

Oh man, dude…this is something we should have figured out last weekend. I’m scared for you man.

——————–
From: crab
To: K
Date: Tue, Jun 19, 2007 at 4:46 PM

i think i was just assigned second base. i’ll let you know how it goes.

–crab

4 Comments

  • k Says:

    I didn’t realize I used the word “dude” that much in email…

  • face Says:

    does twice count as “that much”?

    for some reason, you throwing as a girl comforts me. you should post updates about how the game went. maybe some video clips of you running with bat in hand as well…

  • mung Says:

    gold!

  • Selfish Crab Says:

    It comforts you? Because I would be too awesome otherwise, yeah?

    There will be photo documentation. I’m volunteering myself to be the firm fotographer. Time to test the D40 in bright daylight action mode.

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