interviews are my specialty

Since I am not participating in a journal or a clinic, I need to fill the holes of my resume with an internship during the school year. Last week, I visited the offices of Callous & Stringent, a small IP boutique, for a second round interview with the named partners.

Jeremy Callous sat down with me first. He was an animated man, and began our interview by asking mildly inappropriate questions (possibly in violation of state and federal statute):

Impressive scholarship. I wonder, do you have any college debt?

I see you put ‘conversational [crab-ese]’ on your resume. Are you [Crab-ese]?

What country are your parents from?

My answers were curt; I was a bit shell-shocked. In hindsight, maybe he was testing to see how I would play it off. If you know me, you know that I play things off by swinging a giant earnest, shocked hammer at it.

The interview nonetheless progressed. “Did you take any electric engineering courses?” he asked. I gave my sound-fundamentals-in-electronics answer. Of course, he got up and drew a circuit diagram on a whiteboard. “What’s this circuit do?” he asked. I answered, but who knew that not having taken electronics since high school means mixing up your resistors with your inductors? It was okay, because he interrupted our interview to take a phone call from a client, and never came back.

Michael Stringent wandered in about ten minutes later. He was grey and had puckered cheeks. He talked like sandpaper. Indifferent to my existence, he shot me the type of looks that seem to say “I have beaten hookers with better legal qualifications than you.” I asked my prepared questions and got the fuck out of there. I took the long way home.

This is what I skipped half a day’s worth of classes for?

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