Novel idea

Fat off your compliments, I once entertained the idea of writing a book. But then I realized: what would be the fucking point? What would be the grand insight into the human condition that would be imparted by the last page’s turn? What is the filling in my donut? What’s more, four years of blank looks from the snow-in-cabo crowd have emphatically informed me that I am an acquired taste (I am a haughty naughty bawdy.). I do not think I have far to go.


  • angelle Says:

    writing a book is like swimming to that island that’s “right there”. it looks so easy, not far to go, and it’s only when you’re halfway there and tired that you realize it’s too late to turn back or quit but you still have half the distance to go.

  • angelle Says:

    on the other hand, an acquired taste is often a good thing for a novel. it means you have a particular “style”, “aesthetic” and “point of view” to impart to an industry overrun with copycats trying to be the next jk rowling, john grisham, or stephenie meyer.

    • Selfish Crab Says:

      I just looked up Stephanie Meyer’s bio. She dreamt the plot for Twilight one night, woke up, decided to write a novel, and, fast forward, she’s wiping her ass with benjamins.

      That’s it. I’m going to write a novel by October. I am serious, people. Maybe I need a pen name. Change my last name to English. Make my middle name Middle.

  • Selfish Crab Says:

    Another inspiring fact about Meyer’s Twilight novels: they’re all LitHum knockoffs. “Twilight is “Pride and Prejudice” but with a teenage girl and a vampire. “New Moon” is Romeo and Juliet, except with a teenage girl and a vampire. “Eclipse” is Wuthering Heights, but with, surprise, a teenage girl and a vampire; and “Breaking Dawn” is “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”, but with a woman married to a vampire. [source]

    That is truly inspiring to me, as a amateur novelist. I am going to write Pride and Prejudice, except with a teenage girl and an awesome robot. “Can she overcome society’s prejudice against beings of logic? Will their love survive the UNIX epoch? Read on to find out…”

  • angelle Says:

    re: stephenie meyer being a plagarizer- wow, that’s interesting. perhaps i should be basing my novel around some already well-mapped out plotline and just jazz it up with things like text messaging and facebook. “romeo didn’t receive the text msg about juliet’s faked demise as per her fb status due to t-mobile’s spotty service. tragically, according to fb, they are no longer listed as ‘in a relationship’. permanently.”

  • hag Says:

    I love that you no longer even mask contempt for the S-I-C crowd.

    Also, If you publish before me, consider yourself de-friended.

  • Selfish Crab Says:

    Well, let’s not throw around the “P-word” so easily. Many writers have used or employed, successfully, the ideas in those classics, which themselves have borrowed from others (Shakespeare, in particular.) I love your rendition of “Romeo and Juliet: It’s Complicated”.

    Hag, not contempt, but rather recognition. Race to the publisher is on.

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