Exchange: the setup

She: Is your friend– the one you want to set me up with– is he cute?

He: He’s functional.

She: “Functional.” What is that, like a Swiss army knife?

He: Like a credit card.

She: Is he dorky? You know I have a soft spot for dorks.

He: Yeah, he’s busy overdubbing the latest AV as we speak. Look, go have a drink with him. You’ll like him. He’s smart, successful, confident, driven–

She: A tool.

He: I said he was functional.

She: Why are you doing this?

He: Because this, what we’re doing right now, this is unsustainable. I don’t want this.

She: Nobody here has asked anything of you. You are having an allergic reaction to something you do not understand.

He: Do I look available to you? Do I? Do I look sufficiently adaptive to shape my heart in complement of another?

She: That’s a lot of words to say that you’re selfish.

He: Piss off.

She: Just tell me how you feel about me.

He: I think… that you have great legs.

She: I am two nights away from falling for you, and you tell me “you have great legs”. Go fuck yourself.

He: Only thing left to do. Thanks.

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