Selfish Crab

I’m finding my new favorite question to be asked is, “What are your thoughts on this?” It’s like a starter pistol for my ego. My views have hardened, too. Not to say I was once a sunshine carebear, but my level of certainty in the foolhardiness of men and the haughtiness of women has risen a great deal.

I met another would-be writer the other day. We discussed his nascent novel. I asked him why he writes; he responded: “I am writing the book I have always wanted to read.”. How egocentric. Okay I’m in.

New Years Goal: participate in National Novel Writing Month. How hard could that shit be? Now accepting plot or character submissions. So far I have sketched out a boy-child capable of awkward moments yet also episodes of genius. Falls in love with a girl of as yet undetermined height, weight, and occupation. Will maturity be a theme? Yes. Will egocentricity? Yes. Will ennui feature as a major plot device? You betcha. Setting likely to be an alternative future set in 2003-era Brooklyn, a sort of a steampunk (look it up, mickey) vision. No magical minority figures. No orphans. Sex: okay, but no use of the word “rod”. Love: okay, so long as no one is happy. I will probably break at least one of these rules. Here we go.

# 2010 Jan 31    {Life}    1

Because my opinion is more considered than yours:

• Let’s first set aside the name jokes. Yes, it’s bad. Part of me wonders how the name is greeted internationally; Americans have a tendency to narrowly use words in specific contexts. Maybe “pad” plays differently elsewhere.
• The underwhelmed reaction to the iPad is a testament to two things: 1) the stilting nature of hype (more on that later); and 2) the degree to which the iPhone is a device at least three years ahead of its time. People are dismissing the iPad as “merely” a giant iPhone. What kind of insult is that? “Why, this new product is just like that other product that overnight transformed expectations of mobile devices and mobile computing, except this one has a much nicer screen, runs much faster, and has more software. Meh.” Imagine for a second if the iPhone was never released. How amazing is the iPad as a brand new PC? Multitouch gestures. Incredibly slick software, app ecosystem, and engineering. Does anything on the market come close? The fact that the iPhone came FIRST seems almost backwards. It’s like the iPad, the best tablet computer ever made to this date, but fits in your pocket and it makes phone calls!
• Feel free to calculate the size of the entire netbook market, and add it to the Apple’s next quarterly revenue. Who the fuck would now buy a shitty laptop with this product priced so aggressively? The $499 starter price is transcendental.
• God, I hate “hype”. Yes, Let me build up a product with incessant chatter fueled by nothing more than my own speculation and curiousity, and then cynically dismiss the product as “overhyped” when it finally is released, and decry and blame the product itself for failing to meet expectations generated without encouragment from the product maker. The same fate befell the Segway, which people still dismiss as an overhyped bust. Dean Kamen never said a single word to generate the anticipation it had; and when it was finally released: thud. (even tho it remains a brilliant invention for individuals of limited mobility).

This product release destroyed my afternoon productivity so excuse me if I am feeling a bit loquacious. I probably have more to say. Anyone want to chime in with other conventional thoughts that I can rebut?

Update (2010 Jan 28) more thoughts:

• One of the more common questions I hear is, “What the hell is this for?” or “What does this do that I can’t do with my laptop or my iPhone?”¹   Okay, at least about once a month, before I became an asshole, I used to receive an e-mail from some friend asking for a laptop recommendation.  My first question, besides budget, would be: “What are your needs?  What are you going to do with it?”  The answer was almost always:  ”Oh, you know.  Nothing crazy.  Just need something with which to check my e-mail, surf the web, and listen to music.”  In many ways, there’s your iPad market.  I’m fairly convinced there’s no more pleasant way to surf the web than holding a tablet in your hands, but I won’t know for sure until March.
• Corollary to above:  do you know who recently told me,  ”just need something with which to check my e-mail, surf the web”?  My parents.  I would buy my parents an iPad in a second.  I know you are all myopic millennials who don’t pay attention to other people, but have you ever seen a person older than 50 use a computer?  It’s painful.  When they want to scroll, they gently move the mouse down to the scroll bar– almost… almost… too far… where is it… oh yes. ah.  Click.  They maximize the window they’re using, even when it looks absurd on a 22″ widescreen flat panel.   When they log into websites, they squint to make sure the cursor is in the box, then they stare down at the keyboard to type their login/password, not realizing it when they are accidentally type in the wrong box. They sure as hell as are not firing up Adobe Photoshop.  The simplicity and size and handling of the iPad fits them.  It inherits the renowned accessibility features of the iPhone. (Also, I sure as hell won’t have to obliterate the OS every 6 months because of some malware they’ve picked up.)  I’m telling you, the baby-boomer birthdays/anniversaries/Xmas will be GANGBUSTER for the iPad.²
• As disappointed as some are in the iPad, I am disappointed in their disappointment.  The general geek criticism sounds like this (feel free to read in a droll, gum-smacking voice): “no multitasking, no flash, no video camera OMG not even a regular camera, big ugly bezel [???], no HDMI out, PASS.”  I would have thought after the infamous “No wireless. Less space than a nomad. Lame.“, people would stop criticizing new products this way.  Guess not.  My own criticism is that the device isn’t radical enough.  I could care less about feature checklists.  I want more crazy multi-touch gestures, more connectivity.  I want a special on-screen keyboard that I can use to type one-handed while I hold the iPad with the other hand (no really).  I just want something from the future.  Does Jobs really think this device is more magical than the iPhone?  Maybe only in the way in that this product a new category of products that Apple is dedicated to making and supporting for the long haul.  It indicates how computers may operate in the future: filesystem completely abstracted away from users; computer linked to a spending account, wireless connectivity from anywhere.

1. The lack of immediately clear market indicates to me that Apple may bust open a completely untapped market. (If you said, “Oh, right, this product is an X,” chances are there is already a competitor sitting there.) [↩]
2. Just as, according to my pet theory, the iPod was massively successful because it was the PERFECT graduation gift for parents and relatives to give to high school seniors.  Cool enough, expensive enough, and you knew they would love it. [↩]

# 2010 Jan 28    {Life, nerd, opine}    5

benches by selfish crab.

Most of these were taken by with iPhone. Read the rest of this entry »

# 2010 Jan 12    {Life, Photos}    3

Refuge du Col de balme – ALT by selfish crab.

The memories continue. Read the rest of this entry »

# 2010 Jan 11    {Photos}    #

Sorry about the delay. Didn’t realize this never went out. As for December, I refer you to my Decade in Review 00’s.

1. Drew Barrymore has hosted Saturday Night Live more than any other woman (a measly 5 times). Meanwhile, Alec Baldwin has hosted 13 times. [source]
2. Prior to Lasik surgery, Tiger Woods suffered from -11 nearsightedness, considered the worst 1%, legally blind without corrective glasses or contacts. Please note that nearsightedness and shortsighted-ness are separate and distinct. [source]
3. Thanksgiving used to be on last Thursday of November, but President FDR moved it up to the penultimate Thursday to stimulate more holiday shopping. (from the no-actually-nothing-is-sacred dept) [source]
4. Pantone, the maker of the ubiquitous Pantone Color Matching System and the global oracle of all matters chromatic, is headquartered in Carlstadt, NJ. [source]
5. bildungsroman – n. a type of novel concerned with the education, development, and maturing of a young protagonist [source: no idea where I spotted this word]
6. Blighty – n. an English slang term for Britain, deriving from the Hindustani word vilāyatī (विलायती). Wikipedia says: it “can now be considered self-consciously archaic and, when used by younger speakers, can be intended slightly ironically. It is more commonly used as a term of endearment by the expatriate British community.” [source: Mondavi]
7. Prior to the completion of the Birj Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest manmade structure standing was the KVLY-TV mast– a TV tower!– in North Dakota (2,063 m) [source]

# 2010 Jan 6    {Links}    1

two people viewing mountains by selfish crab.

Another day, another batch. Read the rest of this entry »

# 2010 Jan 5    {Photos}    2