Weddings 2010

I attended my second wedding of the season (well, two and a half, if you half heartedly half count the one I skipped for a funeral). Am I growing callow and dark or are these events becoming more rote? Part of me wants to say: Look, few aspects of modern life adhere to structured protocol like weddings do. Like an old jazz standard, the customary provides framework for the unexpected. As the wedding party, the fun is in your choice of variations. Do you reject the hollow ribaldry of the garter toss? Skip the anxiety of the bouquet catch (which favors the tall and the fast– the exact population that needs no assist here)? Do you fashion your wedding cake into a 2 foot tall Optimus Prime figure wearing a Steelers jersey? Perhaps a surprise hip hop dance. No expects you to switch from Louis Armstrong to Young Jeezy! These are the nuances one must appreciate to cope with the wedding-sodden summers of a late twentysomething.

But on the other hand, WTF. Parts of the affair have grown downright irksome. After the first bride and groom’s dance, the MC usually requests couples to join them on the dance floor, right right? Normally, I consider this an opportunity to take stock of the single people conveniently stranded at their tables. Last night felt different. My entire table embarked for the dance floor (My other single friend conveniently went to the bathroom.) the other tables, likewise. Suddenly I felt like I was playing a game of musical chairs except there are 10 empty chairs and just me. No one else even wants to play. They’re off performing more adult activities, like slow dancing, or ordering cutlery, or discussing adult matters with their brokers. Not even my usual trick of staring intently at my mobile phone as if there was something very important coming down the wire that required my brow, furrowed and my manner, stern, worked. No, not this time. Nope.

Weddings used to be this buffet of well-dressed young people, and now it’s a font of what-if’s. I am very concerned this topic consumes me the way it has this year.

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