Archive for the 'Life' Category

today at brunch

He pushed his plate forward and offered cheese fries to any takers.   I called him a “ketchup-spreader,” and the backyard brunch table reacted negatively.  All I did was characterize the way in which he indiscriminately sprays ketchup on his fries, but you’d think I had just called him a filthy muggle blood.   Got to be nicer.


Got a few proof of life pings on this blog.  A full calendar year since the last post would suggest I shut this shit down. On the other hand, an old friend, upon a recent visit here, commented that I seemed more angry and bitter.  No!, I countered, Life is sunny and my new writings will establish this.  Just you see.


My friend rko was in town past week. He is a piece of work. Within 30 minutes of meeting a friend of a friend, he actually asked her: “how much did you charge for second base [when you were a teenager?]” Those words actually came out of his mouth. She was polite enough to laugh nervously and then flee.

Reunion notes

Best job of classmates:
1st place: Director of veterinarian public health for City of New York
Runner up: Historian

Best meet cute with spouse:
1st place: “We met at Circle.”
Runner up: “My visa was up.”

Best career change:
1st place: left law firm job, created health care startup.
Runner up: left law firm job, became statistician. (DO YOU SEE A THEME)

Most fascinating person I met but never knew during college:
1st place: a guy named Miguel, who
is living in Panama, where he works for the Panama Canal.

Best quote:
1st place: “I think [your friend] hooked up with every one of my friends except for me. I’m almost insulted.”
Runner up: “You look… older.”


Revisiting your old late night food places, after your college reunion banquet and drunk, is the most visceral way to learn that nostalgia is a fool’s game. Whether we knew contemporaneously that koronets pizza was sour flatbread and our fond memories made it sweeter in the intervening years, or we are re-judging old plates with more worldly palettes, or maybe the place just went to crap since we left. That is to say, nice moments in time are almost never reproducible.

Reminds me of fireflies at dusk. You know: Blink. BLINK. At once: seemingly ubiquitous, beautiful, regular, oh, common. BLINK. Then a last round of lights fades and you wished the fireflies had just warned you that this was the last round so you savored it but all you can do now is memorize a fading light.

I wonder how much of changing the world is merely waiting for other people to die.


The marginal increase in longevity, self confidence, and female attention that results from having six-pack abs does not, by my estimation, come close to offsetting the loss in joy from forbearance of those morsels otherwise forbidden. To reduce food– that daily blessing, that foundation of community, that distillation of a culture’s history, geography, and values– to the rank of mere VICTUALS, is to resign this life to chores.


Apparently I am allergic to this multi vitamin supplement I started taking. That’s all you need to know about the state of my physical health: that my body is actively repulsing nutrients.

Idea: tribal stream watching

With more television being binge-consumed, we lose a sense of community watching. Idea: Netflix lets you form a viewer group with your friends, and no one can watch the next episode until everyone in the group has caught up.

Side piece

Seeking: mistress to send all the awesome links I send to girlfriend that she doesn’t bother to read.

Title of this blog in alternate universes

Selfish Crab Boating Enthusiast
Selfish Crab Detective Agency
Selfish Crab: Expat in Hong Kong
Selfish Crab Programming Pearls
Selfish Crab Dog Fotoblog
Selfish Crab: Fixing Up My First House
Selfish Crab And Family
Selfish Crab Happiness is Forever!!!

Battlestar Galactica

There was a point in time, somewhere halfway through the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica, where I thought of death. Of how relentlessly it comes. Of how helpless it must feel, those last dirty minutes, probably connected to some machine, and surrounded by the infirm, them coughing, always coughing.

That a television show, let alone a tv show with flying spaceships, makes me feel this way is nothing short of incredible. I suppose the show’s science fiction bent makes for an alienness that forces the mind to consider the themes anew, rather than gloss over it like a story you’ve heard before. Mysticism, faith, the cycle of violence, morality of warfare, justice, terrorism, human mortality, it’s all there, interleaved with scenes of twitchy action BANG BANG KABOOM to slake your baser appetites. And it’s topped off with one of the strongest group of characters that happen to be female on any television show.

Recommended, and available on Netflix instant streaming.

Yeezus is some Clockwork Orange type music. Holy hell. I mean, he samples “Strange Fruit”, a Billie Holiday hymn about lynching.

Dan Aykroyd on SNL


In last night’s Saturday Night Live, Dan Aykroyd appeared in one of the episode’s many cameos.  Notice behind him on the shelf, are bottles of his own Crystal Head Vodka.  I’m assuming that product placement was a part of the price for agreeing to appear.

Aykroyd has a keen interest in the paranormal, as evidenced by this serious, joke-free commercial for his Crystal Head Vodka:

YouTube Preview Image


It’s rather misleading that anyone featured in a pornographic film is instantly referred to as a “porn star.” I mean, isn’t there a hierarchy of fame, like in the non-fucking show business?  There’s got to be C-level porn actors and actresses, and then you have your Daniel-Day-Lewis-level genuine porn stars out there.  Consider that next time you uncover your high school teacher’s past.   Ask yourself, are they really a porn star?  Or did they just make 700 bucks, that one time, on a Thursday afternoon, betwixt sound life decisions?

The Awl: Why Times Square Needs a McWorld – a suggestion for a flagship McDonald’s in Times Square that serves food from all the different McDonald’s menus from around the world.  Fast food localizations is one of my favorite parts of travel.   Man, to be able to get a McVeggie…

The Verge: “I used Google Glass: the future, but with monthly updates”

But I walked away convinced that this wasn’t just one of Google’s weird flights of fancy. The more I used Glass the more it made sense to me; the more I wanted it. If the team had told me I could sign up to have my current glasses augmented with Glass technology, I would have put pen to paper (and money in their hands) right then and there. And it’s that kind of stuff that will make the difference between this being a niche device for geeks and a product that everyone wants to experience.

After a few hours with Glass, I’ve decided that the question is no longer ‘if,’ but ‘when?’

I’ll believe it when I see it.  Google has a horrendous track record with selling hardware, or selling anything, actually, to consumers.  See, Google TV which nearly wrecked Logitech and spawned this amazing TV remote; or Google Nexus Q, the streaming music device, which got press for being manufactured in the USA, but was shitcanned before a single unit shipped.

Nevertheless, this kind of technology in widespread use would be transformative.  And I cannot think of a better company to be leading the push. A company whose business model is selling advertisers access to your personal behavioral profile now wants to be integrated into your eyeball, complete put a personal video camera.   WHERE DO I SIGN UP

Rob Walker: Let’s Make A Mark:

… we need a new punctuation mark that resides in the emotional range between the just-the-facts period and the whoop-to-do excitability of the exclamation point. While the new mark would clearly signal positivity, it would save us from communicating with the unhinged emotionality of a note slipped between junior-high students.

The proposed icon looks like a stick figure playing with a mirror.  At least they didn’t give it a name like the “interrobang“.  Also, doesn’t the emoticon smiley face emoticon serve this exact purpose?  e.g., Thanks =)  Congrats =)  See you soon =)  

That age where complaining about having too much hair approaches complaining about having too much money.